Profile
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| User: | clint_redhot (5484310)  I feel my fate in what I cannot fear
I learn by going where I have to go |
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| Name: | clint_redhot | |||||
| Website: | http://www.livejournal.com | |||||
| Location: | Michigan, United States | |||||
| Birthdate: | 1981-02-19 | |||||
| E-mail: |
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| LJ Talk: |
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| Bio: |  You don’t even need to see, to hear, to touch, and you know it. You know in your own way, hidden there, that it’s burning. I doubt you would try to hurt me, how could one shatter their own universe. My skin crawls, to think maybe someone else will be touching you, looking at you, seeing you. You’ll feed on that, I know you will, because even though you don’t think so, I do know you. I drive down the yellow line, smoking a cigarette and listening to that song, the one that pushed me just a little farther, because I can picture you, eyes closed, leaning back and breathing in the feel. Crazy, I know. But I just want to escape, to float away, let the ice form on my heart until I’m numb, until I’m gone….until I don’t remember you and you are just a face on the other side of friends. You’ve poisoned me with the sweetest thing in the world. Yourself. I feel so groggy right now, so clouded over, so forgotten. Is that you? Letting me slip away? God, don’t do that to me, if you forget me, I’m not even going be a memory on your curved lips. I’m shaking, I can’t breath and I asphyxiate on it. Did you ever have a lie, so big inside you, that you just choked on the things you couldn’t say? I do, and it eats me everyday and I blame everyone but myself, the real trouble. Because this lie consumed you, the undertow just drove you away. You don’t care, so in theory, neither can I. It’s been said you’re a tool, a method of self destruction. I walked out on those words, because I don’t want to look and realize maybe they were telling the truth. I’m sick, you saw that didn’t you? You saw it and you chewed it away until it was only a thin film of scum left on my skin. You held it, a chunk of bile, in your stomach until you could no longer stand the burn. I could love you for that. I wish you saw how much I needed you right now, how empty you make me. I want to go away with you, somewhere no one could find us. Hidden in some empty woods, we could watch the stars until our eyes bled. I want you to smile, and like your smile, I’m dying. In a few days all that will exist is a faint recollection of a girl who used to love too much, care too much. I think, you love me, I think even hate is a form of love. I think you think of me, I think you miss me, and I think you’ll remember how it was. That night, I think you said “I love you”. Just push yourself a little deeper, push it through me so I can lay in the peaceful warmth of my bursting heart. I want to lay in flower ridden meadow, under the bright sun. And, as the warm, calm breeze whispers across my face, I want to smile for fond memories. I want to close my eyes and have that go with me in the end.. I hate you for letting this happen, I hate myself for knowing you. I hate being created just to be lonely, for making it so I can’t speak, so all I can taste is regret. I want you to go away or stay until I let go. Don't I at least deserve that honor? | |||||
| Memories:: | 4 entries | |||||
| Pictures: | fewer than 10 public | |||||
| Interests: | 56: animals, arthur c. clarke, bass, blaring music, bodies of water, camping, cigarettes, comedies, computers, concerts, cool water cologne, david letterman, dr. dre, eating, eating out, emotional songs, expanding my mind, family feud, finding the right guy, fishing, fleetwood mac, frogs, fruit, g n r, guys, guys who read, hand holding, ice cube, josh hartnett, kissing, laughing, led zeppelin, libraries, making new friends, marilyn manson, movies, music, old school rap, poetry, post-it notes, prose, reading, reconnecting, red pop, scuba diving, seafood, sentiments, sex, sleeping, steak, sushi, tool, traveling, turtles, vegetables, writing | |||||
| Schools: | None listed | |||||
| Friends: | ||||||
| Mutual Friends: | 47: 12afireinside12, __neongenesis, achancetodream, annikoop, areyoucominhome, bitterlysoft, buddha4mary, changingtide, clevernamehuh, cumbubblequeen, do_i_do, eldiabl0305, elysian_spirit, eri_chan, giveita_name, hilivejournal, horsecchi84, iludb713, ink_lust, intrepidtravler, kill_your_self, kitty_kirst, marlboro_reds, mmmbopthis, morbid_mistress, nenssa, notbeingstatic, o_p_i_f_e_r_u_m, obey_the_remy, orangejellybean, patquinnchin, patron_to_pills, peter513, prettydictator, purplepuffygirl, rockon_1986, seashellz, shadowsingray, singing_sea, stitchers33, sweettigeress, t_w_o, thatartychick, thinking_taylor, tornfaith145, wish_this_true, x_invisible7 | |||||
| Account type: | Paid Account | |||||
